A tribute to Kelly's "Lovey."
Today, Kelly was a very brave girl: today, she said goodbye to her Lovey.
Here she is, sleeping for the first time since we've known her, without her Lovey in her mouth.
I'm so proud of my big girl, but it brings tears to my eyes, because I know how much she's adored Lovey.
I had such a hard time with the idea of taking the one thing away from Kelly that's been such a huge source of comfort for her. But I knew that if I wanted to give Kelly every opportunity to make healthy attachments with us, that I needed to remove every hindrance that stood in the way of that goal.
Today, Kelly was a very brave girl: today, she said goodbye to her Lovey.
Here she is, sleeping for the first time since we've known her, without her Lovey in her mouth.
I'm so proud of my big girl, but it brings tears to my eyes, because I know how much she's adored Lovey.
If you haven't figured it out by now, Lovey is Kelly's "blankie." It's actually a cheesecloth towel. It is the only thing Kelly brought with her from the orphanage besides the clothes on her back.
Little Lovey has slept with Kelly every day & night since Kelly's been home, as I'm sure was the case in the orphanage. Lovey has brought Kelly much comfort over the past 21 months of her life, and I'm so thankful Kelly's had Lovey; but I have known for some time now that we really needed to say goodbye, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it... until now. 
This picture was taken the first time we met. Kelly cried so hard until the nanny gave her Lovey, then she calmed right down.
Back when we started learning more about bonding with a child who suffers with an attachment disorder, we learned that "comfort objects" such as Lovey, hinder little ones like Kelly from attaching.
From what I understand, children who struggle with attachment will attribute any comfort they receive to their comfort object, not their parent, so it becomes a barrier between the parent and the child, and hinders the bonding that needs to take place.
Now these comfort objects are a very normal part of childhood, so this is not to say they're "bad" by any means! I'm just saying for a child who suffers from an attachment disorder, they can be a hindrance. But even knowing that, it's taken me almost two months to finally bring myself to the point of willingness to let go of Lovey, so this has been no easy thing.
I had such a hard time with the idea of taking the one thing away from Kelly that's been such a huge source of comfort for her. But I knew that if I wanted to give Kelly every opportunity to make healthy attachments with us, that I needed to remove every hindrance that stood in the way of that goal.
I have really been praying through this. It might seem silly for me to pray about something like this, but I believe God cares about everything, even the little, seemingly insignificant things, like Kelly's attachment to her Lovey.
God's faithfulness has been so evident today. For instance, Kelly has been surprisingly calm. Nap time was miraculously easy, but she did struggle more at bedtime. The hardest part was when I heard her whimper, almost like she was in pain- oh, I just wanted to go grab Lovey out of the box in the garage and give her back to Kelly and forget all about this "no Lovey" business. But I just kept praying for Kelly and rubbing her back, and she finally drifted off to sleep.
I took this picture the first night Kelly was with us. She slept peacefully all night with Lovey in her mouth.
Oh, it's such a bittersweet feeling for me. On one hand, I'm so proud of my big girl for doing so well at saying goodbye to her Lovey; but on the other hand, I feel sooo sad for her that we had to say goodbye at all. I probably sound like a big baby, but I have really been down. I feel like I'm grieving the loss of a loved one or something. But Kelly is so amazing. She's let me comfort her and she even grabbed my hand a couple of times and put it to her cheek, which was so precious. (I often rub her cheeks and forehead with the back of my hand as she falls asleep, so to have her show me she wanted that from me was a real blessing.) It gives me the reassurance that we're doing the right thing. 
Goodbye sweet Lovey. Thank you for being such a faithful friend to Kelly. We will miss you, but please know that I will do your job from now on, so you can rest assured that Kelly will be well taken care of. I know she will always hold a special place in her heart for you. Goodbye.
7 comments:
Hope has her "Woobie" (washclothes from China) and she still uses hers at naptime and when she goes to bed at night. I was worried about how attached she was to it, but since she doesn't carry it around during the day we haven't tried to break her from it yet. But I do dread that day...she loves to hold her Woobie when she's sleeping. And if she wakes up and it's not right by her hands, she screams "MAMA" and then I have to go in there and find it for her. LOL
Let us know how she does without her Lovey! Good Luck! :)
Another beautiful post Jen! I hope the transition of giving up Lovey goes smoothly for you. I am sure it was hard, and your heart aches, but this is one more positive step in the right direction with Kelly. Hope all goes well and please give sweet Kelly hugs from us. I loved seeing the first initial pictures of Kelly again. It did not take her long to look content in your arms. I hope that contentment continues to grow and build! Best of luck!
Love,
Deb
Bye Bye to Lovey truly brought tears to my eyes. You're a wonderful Mommy with such courage! I'll pray, too for Kelly's separation from her Lovey. I understand that you had to do what you had to do but I know it was hard. You are constantly thought of and in my prayers through out all of this. I agree with Debbie B. that this was a beautiful AND touching post. You need to write a book, you have such a gracious and loving way of explaining, documenting and detailing your thoughts and ideas. My love too all. Hugs, too! Nanna
Oh it's so bitter sweet to watch them grow up. It's funny because we experienced complete opposites this week, but got the same end result. Kelly said goodbye to her lovey--a sign she is growing up. Skylar said hello to her teddy--a sign she is growing up. She has never slept with a blanket or animal but now for some reason has picked one of her million stuffed animals to be attached to and she sleeps with it under her arm each night. It's adorable. Hey, have you thought of framing the Lovey and putting it on the wall in her room?
P.S. Paul's working Sunday. If you and Kelly want to come over and play, let me know.
Angela
I am so glad you posted this. As we are preparing for our Hannah to come home, I am trying to understand as much as I can about bonding and attachment. She'll be close to or 3 years old by the time we get her, so there will be much ground to cover. Your posts about your journey with Kelly are very encouraging to me. The fact that she put your hand to her face is so encouraging - tears came to my eyes. We are praying for you as we follow your progress.
Tiffany McBryde
You probably know what I'd say! Yep, another lovely post!
Kelly reminds me so much of Elliana and how she put her lovey in her mouth! It really is cute.
I especially loved how you explained to Lovey how you're there now for her and that you're going to take care of her now. Very touching.
♥
Natalie
Jennifer, I admire your courage and determination in getting Kelly to bond with you. This was such a beautiful post!! I can feel your loss and angst through your words. Kelly is lucky to have such a dedicated and loving mommy. Keep up the good work!
erica
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